.Religiosity & Legalism Lied to Me.

The kind of church and the kind of faith family that I grew up in lent itself to favoring legalism. It was as if we all needed this external measuring stick to really believe we were spiritual and to make ourselves appear pious. It truly was so much about appearances. Whether in words or not, I was constantly taught to look from side to side to determine how I was measuring up. Did I dress more godly than that person? Did I listen to Majesty Music and hymns alone while that person blared country music in her car? Did I mask my sins and put on a good show of being Christian better than they?

And I swallowed it all hook, line, and sinker.

On the outside I did a pretty good job of following most of the rules - spoken and unspoken to me. But I did not follow these rules (some, yes, ridiculous, but some wise) because I loved my Savior, Jesus Christ so much, and the very outflowing of my heart was pure obedience. No, I followed these rules because of fear. I was motivated to obey, not because I loved God so much, but because of fear of what people would think about me if I did not obey. I obeyed in order to be accepted by my church, by my faith family, by my friends, etc.

While a relationship with Jesus Christ was something verbally toted, the actions pointed to something much different - a fleshly works righteousness - religiosity. I knew the Gospel, I believed the Gospel, but I was not living out the Gospel, I was living out a man-made, religion. And as much as I tried, I was never measuring up or living up to the unrealistic expectations.

This truth about religiosity and legalism has been squirming its way into my heart for several years now. My husband and I have had numerous talks about the way we both grew up, and the way that legalism and religiosity breeds a false sense of superiority and spirituality "I am better than you, closer to God, further along in my sanctification, because I avoid this". Religiosity and legalism taught me to affirm things about myself at the expense of others - even brothers and sister in Christ. It is not wrapped in the grace-filled love of Jesus Christ. We have witnessed people and whole families completely destroyed by legalism and religiosity.

Yes, I understood the Gospel, and I accepted it, but I was lied to in some form or another and made to believe that the only way to Jesus was the Gospel PLUS something.

We are determined to teach our children differently - to teach our children to not look for acceptance because they obey the rules, but rather to obey God because HE has accepted them. I want their motivation to obey to come from the overflow of a thankful, grateful heart, not from fear of what people will think. I want them to understand the true Gospel, that they are saved by sheer grace, and that there is no need to look to the left and the right but only up to God.

Our small group has been studying Timothy Keller's Gospel in Life:Grace Changes Everything this trimester. It is opening my eyes in brand new ways. One lesson in particular just knocked me off my feet. It is still swirling in my thoughts. We studied the parable of The Prodigal Son, and for the first time in my entire life I finally understood it. Tim Keller taught me that there are actually three ways to live, where before through my legalistic lenses, I had only seen two - the correct Gospel way to Jesus Christ and rebelling from Jesus. When in all actuality there are two ways we rebel against God (in irreligion & religion) not just the one as I was taught and believed.

The younger brother (the prodigal) in the story obviously rebelled against his father. We all know this, and can easily see it in the story. He lived as he pleased. The younger only wanted his father for what could be given to him. He was outright rebellious.

The older brother in the story, however, also rebelled. I NEVER saw this before. I thought he was a little whiny at the end of the parable over the fact that his brother was getting a party thrown for him, but I never noticed his rebellion or the fact that he was just as far removed  from his father as his younger brother had been. The older brother only obeyed to gain something from his father, and to make himself look good. He was entrenched in religiosity. The older brother thought that if he could be so good, so obedient, moral, and religious than the father would have to bless him. He was caught up in legalism. He was lost.

The true gospel is neither of these two things -trying to be our own savior and lord by running off and doing our own thing or by coming to church and praying, and studying the Bible and following all of the rules. The Gospel is the wonderful news that we are already justified by Jesus Christ through grace alone. With legalism and religiosity we will always fall short of God's perfect, holy standards, BUT God, Himself, fulfilled all of those requirements in Jesus Christ! Our legalism and religiosity gets us nowhere. We are saved by grace alone, and then out of the gratefulness of knowing what Jesus did for us flows a daily, life-long obedience. An obedience that has nothing to do with fear of man, with legalism, or with religiosity.

Have you been lied to by religiosity and legalism?

It's time to stop listening to the lies, and living in the fullness of His amazing grace and truth.

.Oneness {A Guest Post}.

Today's post was written by Heather Patenaude, author of Emotional Purity: An Affair of the Heart.

Heather and I became bloggy friends years ago when I was blogging at a different platform, and I was the young mommy of just one, sweet daughter, and I believe Heather was Mommy to one, sweet, son. My how things have changed! Heather now mommies three little boys and homeschools the oldest two. I have a lot of respect for Heather, we have similar passions and values and long to see God glorified in our lives. You can follow Heather's life here.

Thank you Heather for writing this meaningful and practical post!

Oneness.

One way to safeguard your marriage is to ask: Does this create oneness with my mate?

"The two shall become one flesh" Matthew 19:5

Shall become...I read that I think: Is there is a process of becoming one flesh?

In my own marriage, I believe there has been a process, one we're still in. We've been intentional to ask:

 Does this create oneness?

That intentionality has helped us filter out and include in activities in our life. (Oneness is not sameness....men and women are created different!)

Some of those areas we ask this question would include: work, ministry, hobbies, TV watching habits, vacation, extra-curricular activities, how we spend money, church involvement, raising our boys, and even what time we go to bed.

Using this question as a filter helps us figure out what is best for us and what are things we can set aside. We also have come to realize there are seasons where one thing may cause oneness and in a different season doing the complete opposite will cause oneness.

Praying for you and your mate to experience oneness today in a new and fresh way!

Please share your thoughts on oneness. What has and has not brought oneness to your marriage?

.Evolution of the Hair.

It's no secret. We are obsessed with this boy's hair. I had spent countless hours researching how to care for it, style it, maintain it, etc. before bringing Jamesy home. And then I researched again after bringing him home, as I continued to learn more about his texture, culture, and what was and wasn't working for his beautiful curls. Hair is a big deal in black culture and in Ethiopia. Therefore, Jamesy's hair is now a big deal to us.

I wanted to share with you in photos the evolution of his hair throughout this past year. I know I have been contacted quite a bit by adoptive families about Jamesy's hair routine/care, and I have only been able to keep up with a few emails. So, now is your chance, if you have a question that you think I may be able to answer, leave it in the comments. I wrote a post here, but things have changed a bit as I learn more and more of what works for Jamesy's hair type (3c if you are wondering, except for a patch in that back which is 4b). So if there is interest (I don't want to write a post and bore the majority of my readers), I would love to write another post on what is working now after a year of trial and error. Just shoot me your questions.

Here is the evolution of the hair.

His hair in January when we first met him.

His hair in March when we picked him up. (It had been cut once since we had seen him last. It has not been cut since!)

First time with product in his hair!

One month home.

Summer sunshine was great for his hair growth!

Mommy practicing parts.

The sleep cap made it's presence in Jamesy's hair routine.

First twist out 'Fro.

Working on elongating his curls with some new product.

Rocking the "wash n' go".

Jamesy right after a cowash. The only time he ever gets his curls combed through is during a cowash, which happens about once a week. We are only 'pooing about once a month this winter.

Mommy finally perfected twisted locks and found a great locking cream!

More twisted locks - my current favorite style for Jamesy. I only wish they lasted longer than a week. (Need to teach the white people in his life not to touch them or rub them! Ha!)

Before his morning routine AKA bed head.

Faux 'Fro Hawk.

What happens when he sleeps in a hawk!

 And that the evolution of Jamesy's hair over this past year. I cannot wait to see where this next year takes his hair. We are thinking cornrows are in his near future!

.Recognizing Grace.

God gave me many beauitful moments this past week. Late one night, Jim and I were snuggled on the couch with Jamesy (a pretty typical scene here), and Jamesy started talking! Only a few words, most probably would have missed them, but we celebrated and laughed and thanked God. Jamesy is almost completely non-verbal. We do not not know why. It could be because of his SOD, or have something to do with English being his second language, or he could have hearing impairments (we are still trying to get a good test for that), or his language could be behind because of his Epilepsy. Regardless, we basked in his few words the other night.

Jim and I got some alone moments this past weekend. We have been following our attachment plan with Jamesy for a few weeks shy of a year. We have gone on one two hour date this November, and had left Jamesy twice for a few hours during his nap. It was finally time to see if our hard work had paid off, and take a much needed weekend alone. It was wonderful, and Jamesy did wonderfully with my parents. (More of my thoughts on our attachment plan after one year to come.)

The Momentous Moment I am going to from this past week, though, is receiving Cadi's platelet count on Friday. It had been a month since she was tested. Last month she was at 69K. On Friday, Cadi was at 176K! This is back in the normal range. She does not have to be tested again for another month to be certain she is in remission. I wish I could say that I was strong and my faith was strong through this whole journey with Cadi's ITP, or that I understand why God allowed it. However, that is not true. There were some moments that I was strong, and I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit, as Comforter in such huge ways, and there were other moments that I was weak. The Sunday we came home from church, after Cadi had been acting strange and tired, we found a huge bruise on her hip. Huge doesn't really describe it. It was black and like nothing I had ever seen before, and it didn't hurt her. Jim and I both freaked out. We both knew enough of the signs of  Leukemia, and Cadi had several - nose bleeds, tiredness, pale color, being recently sick with fever, extreme and unexplained bruising, leg pains, etc. That Sunday all of the symptoms finally came together and made us panic. I think, in that moment, we were both sure of what we were facing. We called both of our mothers (who are in the medical field), we heard the fear in their voices, and ultimately decided we had to get Cadi to the ER for a blood test.

Most of the rest of this story I have shared. God has been good. Throughout it all Jim and I stood side-by-side hand in hand. I am proud of our marriage. I remember Jim driving to the ER, my hand on his leg, and quiet tears on both of our cheeks, we looked at each other and out loud promised that no matter what we found out, no matter what the future held, we would not let this come between us or destroy our marriage. It sounds silly and melodramatic, but we really thought we were facing a life-threatening illness for Cadi. And we had seen too many marriages destroyed in this way. Standing here on almost the other side, I am so thankful that God gave us that moment, that clarity, that resolve. We have always had a strong marriage, but this experience has cemented our hearts as one even more. God's loving kindness can be seen even in this.

So perhaps that is part of why God allowed our family to walk through these past four months. Sometimes those Momentous Moments come disguised as pain and trials, but God's grace is always there waiting to be realized. We just have to look for it and recognize it and accept it.

This is a Momentous Monday post. To learn more go here, and please feel free to link up with us right below!)